Michelle Rowen
Sunday, September 14, 2008
The Query ProjectJackie Kessler posted her query letter for Hell's Belles as part of The Query Project, where published authors share their successful queries (see Jackie's post for lots more links on the subject). I think this is such a good idea and so helpful. When I was trying to figure out how to word my query letter I had a difficult time with it. It's hard to condense a 90K novel down to a couple of paragraphs.
When I had finished my book DEARLY DEPARTED*, which would soon go on to a title change of BITTEN & SMITTEN, and I had procrastinated and polished for as long as I possibly could, I decided it was time to look for an agent. At the time I had a subscription to WritersMarket.com and was able to search agents by what genres they accepted as well as what they wanted included in a query. I had also done an extensive (which helped in my scared-to-submit procrastination) search of authors and their agents.
The first agent I targeted was Jennifer Jackson. Since she repped Jim Butcher, and at the time I thought I was writing urban fantasy, I figured she was perfect for me. I sent off my query + chapters -- which I paid extra to send XpressPost.
While I waited (according to her website it was three weeks), I made my lists. My first tier consisted of about nine agents whom I thought were equally perfect. Second tier less perfect. Third tier, they'd do.
After reflection of my Jennifer Jackson query, I realized that I may have rambled a bit too much. I didn't stay on target to my main project and yammered about other things I was working on. It was a bit too wordy and not sharp enough. Sigh. So I revised the query letter. In fact, I took about two days working on it until I thought it rocked.
After a week, I got bored waiting for my first reply so I sent out three more.
1. Jenny Bent** -- Trident Media Group
2. Merilee Heifetz -- Writers House
3. Miriam Goderich -- Dystel & Goderich Literary Management
The Goderich one was able to go by email so I sent it off at 2:19 p.m. on Thursday, October 7, 2004.
At 4:01 p.m. the same day (!!!) I received a reply to the Goderich email, not from Miriam, but from another agent there. He requested the full manuscript and it was fine if I sent it by email. He warned that they already had a vampire author as a client so "and I'm not positive that two relatively lighthearted vampire novels will fit on our list. That said, I am more than happy to consider it."
(I keep all emails) :-)
Obviously a few minutes later I sent it to him willing myself not to get my hopes up but encouraged by the quick response.
I went away for the weekend. I came back.
A few things happened five days later.
1) I received a form rejection from Jennifer Jackson
2) I received a request for an exclusive partial from Merilee Heifetz's assistant
3) I received an offer of representation from Jim McCarthy @ Dystel
I was very excited about the partial request since Merilee is the agent of Neil Gaiman and LKH, but I decided I'd be stupid to turn down an actual offer. I had researched Dystel and was confident that it was a very reputable and high-end NYC agency. Four years later, I'm still very happy there. :-) Since I've sold 12 books since with the same agent, how could I be anything but??
So... this is what I sent Jim. The other two just got the query portion (as per their preference), not the bio (such as it was), and mini-synopsis. I also included the first five pages, but I won't tack them on here.
The bio is pretty bad. I had no credentials at all as you can see, but it gives a little taste of my personality. I guess.
NOTE: If you haven't read BITTEN & SMITTEN yet (and why haven't you??) there are spoilers for the story below.
Dear AGENT:
I am seeking representation for my first novel, a completed 94,000 word urban fantasy***.
DEARLY DEPARTED is the story of Sarah Dearly, a newly made vampire, and her adjustment to life as one of the fashionably undead. If the hunters on her tail weren’t enough, she also has to deal with her love triangle with a 600-year-old sexy (but suicidal) master vampire and one of the vampire hunters who can't decide if he wants to kill her or kiss her. She struggles to combine her comfortable, working-girl life with her new, unpredictable and danger-filled world, which includes her quest for the rumored ‘cure for vampirism,’ once she decides that life as a vampire, well...sucks. In the end, she realizes that when the world is out of control, the only thing you can trust is your heart. Provided there are no wooden stakes lying around.
I think of this novel as ‘Chick-Lit with Bite’ -- Bridget Jones meets Interview with the Vampire -- as it is filled with humor, romantic tension, and suspense, utilizing Sarah’s witty, lightly sarcastic, first person point-of-view. It will appeal to mainstream fantasy readers, vampire enthusiasts, hopeless romantics, as well as those who enjoy a good story, a good laugh, a few tears, and a happy ending. Although DEARLY DEPARTED stands alone as a novel, I have outlines for two potential sequels****.
I would love the chance to send you a few chapters, or the entire manuscript, and full synopsis of DEARLY DEPARTED at your request. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Michelle Rowen
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BIO
Michelle Rowen was born in Toronto, Ontario. She has been a graphic designer for nearly ten years. Dearly Departed is her first novel, combining her love of humor, urban fantasy, and strong female characters. She is currently writing the first book of an open-ended fantasy series.
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SHORT SYNOPSIS
After a bad blind date, Sarah Dearly learns she is now a vampire. While she doesn't mind the thought of eternal youth, the vampire hunters on her tail she could do without. They kill her sire right in front of her and proceed to chase her onto a bridge and into the arms of Thierry de Bennicoeur, a handsome 600-year-old master vampire whose suicide attempt she has just interrupted. He reluctantly puts his own plans on hold long enough to help keep her safe and aid her transition into her new life with the caveat that she leave her old life behind.
She quickly learns that being a vampire isn't all it's cracked up to be. She is fired from her job for sucking on her boss's paper cut finger; she's quickly losing her much-prized reflection; she sprouts her sharp fangs right in the middle of her cousin's wedding in which she is a bridesmaid; and worst of all, she attracts the attentions of a cute vampire hunter named Quinn who can't decide if he wants to kill her or kiss her. When Quinn is, himself, made into a vampire, her first instinct is to help him, but knows that by doing so she might be putting her new world at risk.
When she learns that there might be a cure for her current condition, she is willing do whatever it takes to get her out-of-control life back to normal. But when the price for the cure is to sell out Thierry – the man who's helped her when everyone else has turned his or her back; the man she may be falling in love with – will she still go for it?
In the end, Sarah learns that when the world is out of control, and when there are no easy answers, you have to trust your heart. Provided there are no wooden stakes lying around.
I think it worked because it's short, punchy, and to the point. It gets across that there's some romance (although at the time I didn't pitch it as romance) and humor and a breezy voice. The mini-synopsis touches on the highlights of the story, the funny bits and the hooks.
The only thing I'd probably change now was the first line of the query that states I'm looking for representation. Well, of course I am. Otherwise I wouldn't be querying an agent. Duh.
Anyhow, I'm very happy that it served its purpose. It got me a great agent for a book I still consider my favorite (don't tell the others, they'll be jealous).
*I still like my original title. I used to work my character names into the title and the only reason Sarah's last name is Dearly is so I could use it in that way. But it kind of stuck so her name continued to be the very unusual Dearly instead of changing it to Davis, or something.
**Never heard back from Ms. Bent. Not a peep. I'm expecting her to request a partial any day now.
***When this sold as a romance, i canceled my subscription to Locus and got one for Romantic Times. Who knew?
****Note: this was a little bit of a fib. I had an idea for sequels but not outlines. Had I known this would become a five book series, I would have made a lot more notes in the beginnning!!
